The Empty Ward
by greatunironic
Summary: “Honor thy father.” They walk around with so much guilt. [BeckettAngst] Sequel to ‘Graduation Day’


Title: **The Empty Ward**

Author: greatunironic

Rating: PG-13

Feedback: But of course!

Disclaimer: Yes, and I also own Mexico.

Summary: "Honor thy father." They walk around with so much guilt. BeckettAngst Sequel to '**Graduation Day**'

Etc.: Well, when I killed Carson's papa, I had given him a pen-pal: Josh Lyman. Now, I figured I needed to screw with them some more, so I took the Illinois Primary, Josh, Noah Lyman, Carson, and an airport, threw them in a fic, mixed in some death, sprinkled it with angst, and whipped this sucker up. It's pretty much Carson relieving the days after his father's death while trying to help Josh through it.

Etc. Part Deux: Josh, for the sake of my sanity, was made younger than he is in the pilot. In it, Josh is 38, which would make him 37-ish during the primary. I down-graded him to around 32 for the primary so that Carson could be 29, as, in another story I have, Carson is about 33 and Josh is 36. Got it? Good. Also, in West Wing time, the primary was in '98. I fiddled with the time line and made it happen in 2000.

And cookies to anyone who gets the quote at the end!

* * *

There's more rain, this March, than there usually is, thinks Carson Beckett as he moves about his lab. It is a terribly small lab, really, and is quite drafty and damp and so cold that he's tempted to put on his jacket and gloves over his lab coat, but it's his lab. His name isn't on the door, though, and sometimes other people use it, but that really doesn't matter to him. So what if it's several floors below ground level and sometimes he can't remember if it's night or day out because there are no windows, and... 

Okay. His lab blows. But Carson accepts this and knows that someday, he'll be getting a better lab because they'll figure out that he's worth it. And, maybe, someday, he'll get his own practice. That would be nice. But, for now, he's stuck four floors below in a very small room (like a closet, really) that is very cold, very damp, and very dark.

He sighs. His lab bloody sucks. He looks up and glares at the ceiling. He's brilliant: he knows it, his old teachers know it, and those monkeys above him know it. They know it and yet they insist on keeping him down here in this-this dungeon. Bastards. He was nearly top of his class at Cambridge, thought to be one of the most promising young doctors of his generation, and where was he? In a bloody closet that has heating that is constantly on the fritz (it's either not working or it's like the damn Sahara) and no air during the summer, no windows, and leaking plumbing.

Carson glares over at the exposed metal piping and the bucket he put under it. Water drips slowly out of the rag wrapped metal and into the plastic container, making little wet plopping noises. Where the hell is he? In the bloody water closet?

Looking about his cell, he sees the little TV he has set up on a counter is on. There are numerous books leaning up against it, like the television was some kind of book-end, and there are a few photographs as well. One is a framed photo of his parents and the other is a picture of his good friend from America and one time pen-pal, Josh Lyman, with his parents on his graduation day. Josh is the reason he has the TV on. His friend is currently working for a hopeful nominee for the American's President. The TV is on so Carson can watch to see what is happening with the primary they're at. Carson hopes they win.

Have working and have watching the TV, Carson is begins to cheer when the reporter announces, "With 17 of the precincts reporting, we are now ready to call the Illinois primary for former New Hampshire Governor Jed Bartlet." He smiles and claps to himself; this was good. This, as Josh had told him, meant that Governor Bartlet had the Democratic Nomination 'in the bag.'

He turns the TV off, content with the knowledge that Bartlet had won. The people who work for Bartlet seem genuine and Carson thinks they deserve to win. He thinks people like that should run the country. He really likes the people Josh works with, too, though he has never met any of them face to face, except for Leo McGarry. Carson once talked to CJ Cregg on the phone while waiting for Josh, though; she was hysterical and very kind. She made him promise that he would come to the US again sometime and meet 'the gang'. Carson thinks Sam Seaborn is a great guy from what Josh tells him. Honestly, from the stories Josh has told him, he is a little scared of Toby Ziegler, but Josh says he's alright despite that, and Carson trusts Josh. Donna Moss, Josh's assistant, is nice too, and Governor Bartlet seems like a good guy who could be good at running the country.

Carson goes back to work and is very much startled when his cell phone rings. He doesn't have a phone down there and the only reason the TV is there is because the person who had had the lab before him left it there and didn't take it with them when they left. He reaches into his pocket and flips on the phone. He wonders who could be calling because it's only six in the morning (Carson likes coming in early because he gets more work done; he thinks that maybe if he works hard enough, he'll grab someone's attention and be able to book it the hell out of his little lab.).

"Carson?" The voice on the other end startles him.

"Josh?" he asks into the phone, incredulous.

"Hey." His voice sounds small and sad.

"What's wrong?" Carson asks immediately. For as long as he has known Josh, Josh's father, Noah, had been sick with the same cancer that had killed Carson's own father twelve years prior. "Are you okay? Is your father okay?"

"I'm on a plane to Connecticut." Carson knows that can mean only one thing and he knows that Josh is in too much pain right now to be able to tell him exactly what had happened. Noah Lyman had lost the same battle Sutherland Beckett had lost.

"I'll meet you there," Carson says, reaching out to grab his coat. He can take a few personal days. He needs to be there for Josh. Josh had done the same thing for him when Carson's father had dies. It was the least he could do for his friend.

"Thank you," Josh whispers and hangs up the phone.

Carson runs from his lab. He takes the stairs because, even though there's an elevator, it takes too long to get down to his floor. He hops in the car and, as per usual with his luck, the car breaks down. He sighs and gets out of the car. He's not that far from Glasgow Airport anyway. So he runs, wrapped up in his coat and scarf in the pounding rain.

He gets there, probably breaking the land speed record for getting from his building to the airport in the process. He rushes through the airport, getting quite a lot of odd looks, and gets to the counter. He explains quickly to the woman that his friend's father just died and that he needs to get to Connecticut. She tells him the best thing she can do is get him to New York. He accepts and asks if there's anyway he can have a rental car ready when he gets there. She says she'll see what she can do.

On the plane, Carson realizes that he has no clothes except for the ones on his back. He sighs and figures he can get some things when he gets to Connecticut. He clothes his eyes as the plane takes off and leans back in his seat. He thinks about the days after his father's death and how Josh had been there for him.

_June 1988 _

Seventeen year old Carson Beckett was sitting slouched on a big chair in his foyer. His hair had once been neatly combed but it seemed to have a mind of its own and was now terribly messy. He was wearing a suit and looked sadly out of place in it, with his tousled hair and red eyes. His face was pale and he looked like he was getting over the flu.

But he wasn't. His father had just died and he was getting ready to go to the funeral. Carson hated himself. He hadn't been there when his father died. He hadn't been able to comfort his father, hadn't been there when his father needed him the most. Carson hadn't been there for his father because Carson had been at a graduation party. He hadn't wanted to go, but his father made him. Because of that, part of him wanted to hate his father for making him not be there. The other part was content with hating himself.

His breathing was rough. He was trying not to cry, but couldn't quite keep it in. He had cried two days ago in his cry and he hadn't cried since. His eyes were red only because he kept rubbing them to keep the tears in. He'd been trying to keep the tears in by thinking of inane trivia: three words in the English language that begin with 'dw' (dwarf, dwindle, dwell) and the fruit that has the seeds on the outside (strawberry).

He wasn't sure how he was going to be able to do this. He wasn't sure that he was going to be able to make it through his father's death. He had always been close to his father. Sutherland Beckett had always encouraged his son to do whatever he wanted to and had always had great faith in him. Carson's father had pushed for him to go to medical school when Carson decided he wanted to be a doctor.

And he had wanted to be a doctor to save his father, thought Carson. He had wanted to go to medical school and find a cure for the cancer that was slowly killing his father. He was too late. He hated himself because of that. He was too late to save his father.

He closed his eyes and heard the doorbell ring. He ignored it. People had been coming and going for the past two days. They came in to offer their condolences. Carson hated that people were feeling so bad for them. It wasn't their father that had been lost; it had been Carson's.

A hand touched Carson's arm.

"Car..."

Opening his eyes, he found himself staring at the brown ones of his friend, Josh. Looking at him, Carson felt something rising in his throat. Josh hadn't been able to get out of school for his graduation, but he had come. He had dropped everything and came to Scotland to be with him. Carson heard the voices of Josh's parents and he became even more chocked up. He started to cry.

Josh opened his arms and Carson fell into him. Josh held him when he cried and Josh cried with him.

**Present  
**  
Carson stands on the stoop of Josh's parent's home in Connecticut. He rings the doorbell and waits. The door is opened by Josh's mother. Carson hugs her and she points him to where Josh is sitting. He looks just like Carson had that day when Josh came to him. He gulps and goes to his friend. He kneels before him and touches his arm. 

"Josh..."

He opens his eyes and Carson is staring at brown, red rimmed eyes. He starts to cry and he falls into Carson's open arms. Carson starts crying along with Josh as he holds him. Everybody they have every loved, died, and they hate it. They've lost their fathers, Josh lost his sister, and they know that they're going to keep in losing more people, just because they love them. It is an empty ward they live in, everyone coming and going, never staying.

Out, out, brief candle...


End file.
